Hello New Year! Hello Undying Hope!
The new year has inevitably arrived. No matter how awful the year of 2020 has been, the arrival of the new year didn’t necessarily change anything, except that it brought us stronger hope.
Hope. Who doesn’t need it?
When I just moved to Lausanne, the French-speaking part of Switzerland, exactly a year ago, I had nothing but hope. When I encountered a false potential love interest and got heartbroken, I knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but my expectations’. Hope, again, became my one and only ally. When I very unfortunately got infected with COVID-19 and my symptoms were getting worse and worse, being trapped in a small hotel room in the famous ski resort (Zermatt), without any medication, but further infection to my dear friend and her daughter (who fortunately had no symptoms at all), I thought I was going to die. I wasn’t afraid of dying, given the seemingly hopeless situation; I was ready to go (how rediculous that may sound to me now) – if I could just go like this, without making an effort to say goodbyes to my friends and witnessing them shedding tears. Yet, my dear friend worked her magic on the Christmas eve and conjured a feast. I was sitting at the table, holding a glass of red wine (symbolically), feeling my energy dwindle. I retreated to my bed and lay down, closed my eyes, hoping it would soon be over.
Hope, never disappoints me, but expectations do.
It was just like a flu. I then recovered. We then were “allowed” to return to our place of residence – Lausanne.
It was on the New Year’s Eve. While others were still trying their best to celebrate, I stayed alone in my apartment in Lausanne, the so-called home. The first time in my entire life I was all by myself spending the new year’s eve. Quite an experiment rather than an experience. However, to me, it was just like any of those evenings, nothing special. I knew, the next morning, except the calendar date, nothing would change dramatically.
Home, is where your heart is. Where is my heart? It belongs to me. I am my own home. No one here to hurt me. No one cares to hurt me. How safe I feel. I started watching Bridgerton on Netflix. I found it to be a copy of Gossip Girl, in the setting of early 19th centrury. Yet, it suited my taste – my hopeless romantic, fancy, cliched “happily ever after” kind of taste. It awakened my hope.
What the major protagonists confirmed me was my theory about two people (a man and a woman) first becoming best friends, then falling in love. When the beautiful friendship ends, the wonderful love story starts.
I hope, one day, I will start such a beautiful friendship with a wonderful man. Will the new year bestow it on me?
Jinglei Zhu 